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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26532076">you're everything you hated (are you happy?)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivyalexandrias/pseuds/ivyalexandrias'>ivyalexandrias</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>ADHD Benrey (Half-Life), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, M/M, Nonbinary Benrey (Half-Life), Not Canon Compliant, They/Them Pronouns For Benrey (Half-Life), also writing benrey's dialogue physically hurts me, bc i Care Them, bev and michelle are my own ocs but i promise they won't be super prominent, but i DO have adhd, i dont have autisim so i didn't want to write autistic benrey, i want it to look right but GOD it goes against everything ive learned, it's benrey centric for now, like just a litle bit, may be ooc, n he gives me the Vibes, no beta we die like coomer clones, of sorts, oh man the hlvrai and normal half life tag still haven't been separated??, sorry to the regular hl fans ): hope that gets fixed soon, tags will be updated as fic progresses, the frenrey won't happen for a few chapters sorry lads, they're just nice old lesbians who run a b&amp;b ❤, yes your honor i am projecting what of it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:49:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,291</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26532076</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivyalexandrias/pseuds/ivyalexandrias</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"My… progeny has taken a liking to you. He does not wish to see you trapped in a liminal space forever. As such, I have decided to give you a… parole, of sorts. You will be allowed to exist in the real world, for a time. If you can… prove yourself, I will allow you to have a second chance."</p><p> <br/>"what's the catch." Benrey's been around long enough to know that there's an ulterior motive behind G-Man's words. Especially with the other entities clear distaste for them.<br/> </p><p>"You… will stay away from my… son. And his… friends. At least… until you have proven yourself." Yep, there it is.</p><p> </p><p>"yeah, 'kay. wasn't plannin' on visiting feetman and the gang anyways. they're uh- cringe as hell man. they killed me, not epic." G-Man sighs again, and Benrey grins, amused. It's always fun annoying him, when they get the chance. </p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Benrey/Gordon Freeman, nothing yet but eventual</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you're everything you hated (are you happy?)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Benrey traces the scar that curves across the side of their neck with a gentle touch, frowning. They can still remember the sharp pain that spiked through them as the crumbling rock connected with their skin, right before they were deposited into the Void. Whatever Gordon and the Science Team (Benrey hated to admit it, but that was a cool ass name) had done, it had caused Xen to start crumbling, leaving him in the debris.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They kind of wish they had a mirror, they probably look like a badass. That, combined with the other scars they've noticed, most likely makes them look like they were a soldier, or something. Honestly, it's not far off from the truth. Except, soldiers are usually the good guys, and they're definitely the bad guy, even if they don't want to be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their train of thought is interrupted by a crackle, and the distinct sound of reality tearing, before G-Man appears in front of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"yo. g-man. garry-manager. my bro. what brings you to my humble abode?" G-Man sighs heavily, gesturing for them to follow him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Come with me… Benrey." They oblige, not having anything better to do. G-Man walks through the void, and they bounce alongside him. Here, despite his tall frame, they still have about an inch on him. In the real world, they tend to shift themselves into a more normal height, just out of convenience. It makes it easier when they're not smacking their forehead into every doorway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You have… stated before, that you do not want to be the… bad guy, as you have put it… correct?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"yeah, dude, i've been sayin' it the whole time. what about it?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"My… progeny has taken a liking to you. He does not wish to see you trapped in a liminal space forever. As such, I have decided to give you a… parole, of sorts. You will be allowed to exist in the real world, for a time. If you can… prove yourself, I will allow you to have a second chance."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"what's the catch." Benrey's been around long enough to know that there's an ulterior motive behind G-Man's words. Especially with the other entity's </span>
  <em>
    <span>clear </span>
  </em>
  <span>distaste for them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You… will stay away from my… son. And his… friends. At least… until you have proven yourself." Yep, there it is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"yeah, 'kay. wasn't plannin' on visiting feetman and the gang anyways. they're uh- cringe as hell man. they killed me, not epic." G-Man sighs again, and Benrey grins, amused. It's always fun annoying him, when they get the chance. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Do not make me… regret this, Benrey."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"pog." Benrey deadpans, and when they blink, G-Man is gone, and in his place, there's a hole in the space he had just been occupying. They can spot trees behind it, and green grass on the ground. Damn, they've really missed grass. Xen had a weird approximation of it, but it's definitely not the same thing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They let out a string of purple to pink Sweet Voice (violet to pink means 'I need to think!', Tommy's voice says helpfully in their head), and they sigh, stepping forwards. It's better than this… unending void that they've been occupying for however long.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They step through the portal, and it closes with a </span>
  <em>
    <span>snap </span>
  </em>
  <span>behind them. Rude, what if they wanted to change their mind? Whatever, there's no going back now, apparently. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>First course of action: where the fuck </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>they? A cursory glance at their surroundings doesn't reveal much, honestly. They're in the woods, and they can hear a road nearby. They decide to go in that direction, but they get distracted by a small stream on their way towards it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They crouch, examining their face in the reflection on the water. They're still covered in dirt, and blood, and alien goo. They've never had the best grip on social etiquette, but even </span>
  <em>
    <span>they </span>
  </em>
  <span>know that it's exactly socially acceptable to be covered in blood. They cup their hand in the water, scrubbing at the stains best they can. After a long moment of deliberation, they decide that their jacket and vest are unsalvageable, and they peel them both off, leaving them in a plain t-shirt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They dig anything valuable out of the vest, shoving it in their pockets. They honestly didn't have much. A few hundred dollars that they'd stolen from assorted scientists and military personnel in Black Mesa, their knife, which they tuck in their boot, and their passport, which they stash in their pocket alongside the money. Their helmet had been lost in Xen. That was probably going to be their next order of business. Get a replacement for their helmet. They felt naked without it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They use their shirt to get as much of the gross stuff off their face and arms as they can, humming to themselves as they do so. Light blue Sweet Voice slips from their lips, the same color that they used to calm the others down occasionally, back in Black Mesa. They </span>
  <em>
    <span>especially </span>
  </em>
  <span>used it to calm down Gordon, who was always panicked over something or another. They blink, realizing that their thoughts of Gordon had inadvertently turned their Sweet Voice a light bubblegum pink, and pointedly close their mouth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nope, no human emotions, no thank you. They sighed, standing up, examining their (much cleaner) face in the creek for a moment longer before starting back towards the sound of the road. It doesn't seem like a highway, more like a side street, or at the most, a road that leads into a town of some sort. Either one of those was better than the middle of the woods, though. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They only made it a couple hundred feet down the road before they heard the rumble of a pickup truck, and they turned to look just as it slowed to a stop beside them. The driver was an older woman, with a kind face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You lost, son? You don't exactly look like you're from around here." Benrey weighs their options for a moment. On the the one, the woman seems genuinely nice, and her country accent is super nice to listen to. On the other hand, they'd long ago learned not to trust anyone, just in case. They hesitate for another moment, before shrugging slightly to themselves.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"you could say that. i'm just uh- lookin' for a town, or somethin'. gotta find a hotel to stay in, i think." They shove their hands in their pockets, doing their best not to let their apprehension show. The woman laughs slightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You won't find a hotel around these parts, I'm afraid. There is a bed and breakfast a little ways up the road, I could always give you a ride?" Benrey hovers in place for a moment, before nodding.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"uh, yeah, sure. thanks, man." They pause before getting in the truck, but the woman smiles at them, and they smile back (being conscious not to show off their too-sharp teeth), and climb in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"So, son, what's your name?" Benrey pauses for a moment, remembering Gordon's reaction to their name, as if it wasn't normal, something to be questioned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"...benrey." They decide not to lie. Gordon isn't here to make fun of them. Beside, they chose that name for themselves, they should be proud of it. The woman nods, and Benrey has a moment to appreciate the calming rumble of the truck's engine before she speaks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Well, Benrey, I'm Bev. You mind me asking what you were doin' out in the woods?" Benrey shrugs, mumbling a noncommittal answer, and she offers them a kind look. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Alright, don't wanna share your story with a stranger, I get that, son." Benrey nods, glad she doesn't press the matter. They're uncharacteristically quiet, although he supposes the woman- Bev- doesn't know that. They watch the trees turn into fields, and the next time they take a turn, the road is marked with a sign.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Michelle's Bed and Breakfast</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Open 7 Days a Week</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bev pulls into the driveway of a small farmhouse, with pastel green paint on the outside, and a dark wood porch, and someone else comes out to greet her, apron still tied around her waist. Benrey climbs out of the truck, and they hum quietly to themselves as they follow awkwardly behind Bev, stopping a foot or two away. The humming was a tic they'd picked up from Tommy, a way to get out their emotions with using Sweet Voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They fidget with their fingers for a moment as Bev and the woman (Michelle, they assume) hug, exchanging pleasantries, before she turns to them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Well, son, don't just stand there. I'm Michelle." She sticks out her hand, and Benrey stares at it for a moment, before remembering what to do. They shake it hesitantly, and she smiles at them. Her presence immediately puts them at ease. Absently, they wonder if this is what it feels like when they use the calming Sweet Voice on someone. They realize she's talking to them, and quickly focus on what she's saying.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You look like you're pretty tired, son. We've got a room, if you want it?" Benrey takes a moment to register her offer, because as soon as she'd said it, they'd realized that they </span>
  <em>
    <span>were </span>
  </em>
  <span>tired as hell. They nod.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"uh- yeah. yes, please. how much is it? because i've uh- i think i might have enough for a night or two?" Michelle shakes her head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How 'bout this. You're a strong young man, do you think you could help out around the farm, and in return you could stay as long as you need?" Benrey ignores the twinge in their gut at being called a strong young </span>
  <em>
    <span>man</span>
  </em>
  <span>, used to it by now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"i uh- yeah. i could do that. i'm- yeah. 'm strong 'n stuff. i was a uh- security guard. had to remove people from the premises aaaall the time. gotta have muscles ' shi- 'n stuff for that. i think." They snap their mouth shut before they can ramble any more, worried that they've just fucked something up, but Michelle and Bev both just laugh, wearing twin smiles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Well, it's settled then. Come on in, I'll show you the room." She dissapears inside, leaving Benrey to trail after her. They kick their boots off on the porch, not wanting to track anything inside, before following. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The inside of the house is cozy, and smells like something baking. They inhale deeply, and quickly clamp their mouth shut to keep a stream of Sweet Voice from escaping their mouth. After a moment, the urge dissipates, and they wipe away a stray trail of pear colored Sweet Voice from the corner of their mouth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The room Michelle leads them to is cozy, and warm. There's a window, with curtains patterned with… fruits, maybe? Apples? The floor is the same worn hardwood as the rest of the house, with a light grey rug that matches the bedsheets. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"this is uh- super cool." They mumble, walking over to smooth down the quilt draped over the bed, sitting down on the edge of it. "pretty epic. uh- thank you, really. way nicer than my glorified prison cell back at black mesa." Michelle smiles at him, and they're filled with the same comfortable warmth from earlier. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"oh, i wanted to uh- ask. is there any like… people… interactions involved with helping around the farm? 'cause i'm- i'm not super good at that stuff, i've been told i talk too much- like i am right now, sorry." They pointedly stop talking, and Michelle laughs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No, darling, not really. We're in the off season, anyways. You'd moreso be helping with the animals, and the crops. At the most you might help Bev with the farmstand on Sundays every once in a while." Benrey nods, relieved.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"okay, cool, epic. thank you." Bev blinks, straightening. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Speaking of, I'm gonna go get started on dinner. You're obviously tired, dear. If you want, when it's done, I could just leave a plate on the desk for later?" She offers, and Benrey thinks for a second. They're not used to having </span>
  <em>
    <span>choices</span>
  </em>
  <span>, they're used to being told </span>
  <em>
    <span>how </span>
  </em>
  <span>something is and </span>
  <em>
    <span>when </span>
  </em>
  <span>to do it, and never asking why.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It's a refreshing change.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"uh… yes, please, ma'am. i'll- i'll probably be hungry when i wake up, yeah. thank you." They wiggle slightly in place, trying not to appear impatient, because they're not, it's just hard for them to stand still. Bev nods, heading off into the kitchen, but Michelle lingers for a second longer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, before I forget, dear, my grandkids are always reminding me to do this. Do you have any ah- preferred pronouns, I think they said to call them?" Benrey is genuinely startled, blinking in surprise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"oh, um… they/them, please? if- if that's okay." Michelle nods.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Sure thing, hon. I'll get out of your hair now, let you get to sleep. Bev'll bring up some food later, I'll make sure she puts a cover on it so it stays warm for a little while longer." With that, she's gone, shutting the door behind them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carefully, Benrey stacks their meager belongings in a neat pile on the table next to the bed, before laying down. It takes them a minute of wiggling, trying to get comfortable, before they finally huff out an exasperated stream of orange Sweet Voice, scooting themselves up into a sitting position on the corner of the bed, back pressed against the wall, only their feet tucked under the blanket. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It's an odd sleeping position, but it's the only one that feels natural. They're expecting their hyperactive senses to keep them from falling asleep, but to their surprise, they pass out within minutes. They were more tired than they thought, apparently.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>uh yes i am living my dream life through benrey why do u ask. i love farm houses and bed and breakfasts and nice lesbian farmers and if i have to live that life vicariously through a fictional character then so be it. </p><p>the science team will show up eventually!! the first couple chapters r just gonna be focused on benrey's character bc i care them but i promise everyone else will show up. this IS gonna b a frenrey fic after all, babey.</p><p>hopefully i didn't fuck up benrey's character too bad. i like 2 think they would try 2 tone down the gamer talk around bev and michelle bc they want them 2 like them (:</p><p>comments and kudos give me life. plz validate me 🥺</p></blockquote></div></div>
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